I Suck at Girls by Justin Halpern
Reviewed by Jason Koivu
My rating: 4 of 5 stars
I actually enjoyed this more than Justin Halpern's famous Shit My Dad Says. Probably I took to it because it speaks to me on a personal level. I was an unfortunate participant in my own version of so many of the embarrassing moments of adolescence described herein. Also, it has a lot of bathroom/locker room humor and part of my brain is still 13.
The book takes you from lil' Justin's first revelations on the concept of sex right up to his proposal of marriage. It felt like more of an autobio than Shit My Dad Says, but you still get quite a few pearls of wisdom from dear old dad:
“Life is fucking long, especially if you're stupid.”
“...human beings fear the unknown. So, whatever's freaking you out, grab it by the balls and say hello.”
“Most people are stupid. Nothing seems like a mistake until it’s a mistake. You stand in front of an electric fence and whip your dick out to take a piss on it, it’s pretty clear you’re about to make a mistake. Other than that, you pretty much have no way of knowing.”
What really brought this one to life for me were the little everyday interludes:
Eventually my dad got home from work and set his briefcase down.
"So. How was practice?' he asked.
"It was good. Why? Did you hear it wasn't?" I said, trying to keep my cool.
"Son, no offense, but you play Little League. It's not the Yankees. I don't get daily reports about who's hitting the shit out of the ball.”
After reading and not being as blown away by Shit My Dad Says as everyone told me I would be, I thought I was done with Halpern's work. However, I read this because it was available and I needed a laugh at the moment, and the upshot is that I enjoyed it so much I'm quite willing to seek out his next offering.
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