Sunday, May 15, 2016

The Drive-In

The Drive-InThe Drive-In by Joe R. Lansdale
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Jack and his friends live for one thing: the Friday all night horror show at the Orbit Drive-In. When a comet with an eye visits, the drive-in is cut off from the rest of the world and things quickly degenerate to a no-man's land of cannibals...

Confession time: I read this way back in the Stone Age, pre-Goodreads and early in my Lansdale love affair. When I saw how cheap the trilogy was on the Kindle, I figured it was time for a reread.

The Drive-In is Bizarro fiction from back before such fiction had a name. Jack, Bob, Willard, and Randy are horror nuts who have the misfortune of being trapped at the Orbit when the shit goes down. Imagine being in eternal darkness with the only light coming from the drive-in screens and the only food coming from the concession stand. It's not hard to see how things degenerated, is it?

The Drive-In is a really fun book, full of gore, weirdness, and laughs. While it's an early Lansdale and not as slick as his later work, the beer and tailgate style is still there. Since it had been over a decade since I read it, it was pretty much a new book. Ah, the magic of getting older.

It's a pretty short tale, but like a good punk rock song, it's as long as it needs to be. When you have cannibals, motorcycle gangs, and crazy religious nuts, all trapped in the confines of a Drive-In parking lot, how long can you expect people to survive anyway? The Popcorn King was pretty damn creepy and I liked how Lansdale explained his origin, making it make logical sense, to a degree.

The Drive-In was a lot of gorey good fun packed into a pretty slim book. Four out of five stars.

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Friday, May 13, 2016

Survivor



J.F. Gonzalez
Dorchester Publishing
Reviewed by Nancy
2 out of 5 stars




Summary





It was supposed to have been a romantic weekend getaway. Lisa was looking forward to spending time alone with her husband, and telling him that they were going to have a baby.

Instead, it became a nightmare when her husband was arrested and Lisa was kidnapped. But the kidnappers aren't asking for ransom. They want Lisa herself. They're going to make her a star . . . in a snuff film.



My Review




Survivor is sick, twisted, and very, very disturbing. I briefly considered abandoning it in frustration after Lisa did what she had to do to get out of her situation. Then I realized I had to finish to see if Tim, Animal and the other depraved monsters got their due. I'm relieved it is finally done and the book safely out of my house.

I honestly don't know what possessed me to buy this. I like well written horror stories and don't mind some violence and gore, but Survivor wasn't particularly well written and the excessive violence and brutality made me feel dirty for reading it.

Two stars because I got sucked in and managed to finish it.

Thursday, May 12, 2016

BAT MASTERSON BY ROBERT K. DEARMENT

Bat Masterson: The Man and the LegendBat Masterson: The Man and the Legend by Robert K. Dearment
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

”Josephine Earp recalled Bat’s dropping in on them at their home in San Diego about 1885. He was on his way to Ensenada, Mexico, to pick up an army deserter who was reputed to be a tough hombre. Bat asked Wyatt to accompany him. ‘That made sense to Wyatt,’ wrote Josephine. ‘This careful approach, so characteristic of both these men, may account for their survival to a ripe old age despite years in a dangerous business that claimed the lives of many. Neither of them took unnecessary chances.’”

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The always Dapper Bat Masterson.

Bartholomew Masterson was the name he was born with. His family called him Bart, which eventually evolved into Bat. There are several stories about how he came to be called Bat, but the most pedestrian story is the one that is true. The Penny Dreadfuls liked the idea that he got that nickname by batting desperadoes over the head with his cane. He didn’t like his given name, Bartholomew, and renamed himself William Barclay. This name ended up on his tombstone, but of course, everyone called him Bat.

The West is filled with stories of brothers standing by brothers, but I don’t think there are any more compelling stories about siblings than those about the Earps and the Mastersons. Growing up in Kansas, I enjoyed hearing lurid stories about these famous brothers. I was an avid reader of True West Magazine. The articles regarding the Earps or the Mastersons were the ones I kept to read again and again. I inhaled books about them. I filled my head with all kinds of facts and fictions about them. The truth is not easy to sort out because Tall Tales were as much a part of the West as were whiskey, doxies, and six shooters.

What Robert K. DeArment set out to do was write the definitive biography of Bat Masterson. Of course, to do so is the same as telling the history of the West. He recently wrote a second biography of Bat called Gunfighter in Gotham which I’m so glad he did because the time that Bat spends in New York is certainly worthy of special attention.

Bat was born in Quebec, but his family homesteaded in New York, Illinois, and finally in Wichita, Kansas. It is interesting to think about who Bat Masterson would have been if his father hadn’t moved to the state that gave Bat such a great opportunity to become a legend. Would he have still come West? I’m sure he would have. The West was too alluring for young men in this time period, especially infinitely curious men like the Masterson brothers. Would he have landed in Dodge City? Who can say?

Bat started out as a Buffalo hunter. He did his part, practically government sponsored, to eradicate the main source of food of the American Indian from the face of North America. He also graded the way for railroad tracks and was not paid for that work. This is the first opportunity where we see what kind of man he was before he was even really a man. A friend described him thus: ”He was a chunk of steel and anything that struck him in those days always drew fire.” To illustrate, Raymond Ritter was rumored to be arriving on the train in Dodge City with a roll of cash. He still owed Bat $300. Bat went to meet the train and drew a crowd as he went. He held a pistol on Ritter and demanded his pay. He got his money and came off the train to the cheers of the crowd. He bought a round of drinks for everyone.

Now what is most interesting about this incident is Bat Masterson was 19 years old.

Bat Masterson acquired the reputation for being a killer, but the reality was far removed from what people had been led to believe. One of his friends, who had been drinking, had some fun with a newspaper reporter from back East and spun him a story about the then 27 year old Masterson having killed 26 men. This story stuck, and over the years Masterson did little to dispel that lie, nor did he ever confirm it. It did make men careful around him.

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The Original Long Branch Saloon, unfortunately long gone. Those walls could tell stories.

In actuality, he thought he’d killed three men, but on one of those he was misinformed. The one man we know for sure was killed by Bat was Sergeant Melvin K. King.

It was over a girl.

Mollie Brennan was coveted by King, but at least on the night of January 24th, 1876, she preferred the company of the rather dashing and handsome Bat Masterson. It happened in Sweetwater, Texas, after hours in the dancehall, The Lady Gay. Bat knew the owner and had acquired a key so he could spend some time alone with Miss Brennan.

”When King pounded at the door, Bat, thinking that some friend who knew he was there wanted a nightcap, unlocked the door and stepped back. King sprang inside, cursing and brandishing his six-shooter. Mollie, shrieking at King, jumped in front of Bat, but the sergeant, insane with rage, jealousy, and bad liquor, opened fire. A bullet tore through Mollie’s abdomen, struck Bat, and lodged in his pelvis. The girl sank to the floor with a groan and Bat staggered backward. His legs turning to jelly under him, half-blinded with shock and pain, he managed to draw his gun and fire once. His bullet hit King squarely in the heart, killing him instantly.”

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When his older brother, Edward, was shot down in the streets of Dodge City in 1878 by Jack Wagner and his trail boss Alf Walker, Bat opened fire from across the street and believed that one of his bullets killed Wagner. He even testified to the fact in the hearing, but my feeling is that it was Ed’s bullet that killed Wagner.

The other man that Bat thought he killed was James Kenedy. A posse had been formed to chase Kenedy after he killed the actress Dora Hand, who happened to be in the bed of the man he had intended to kill. Once they caught up with Kenedy, Bat shot him in the shoulder. He was later informed that Kenedy died from the wound, but Kenedy it turns out died from other causes. Mainly from being an idiot.

Masterson might have killed, but he certainly wasn’t a killer. . Considering how much time he spent wearing a badge in more than one state and in numerous cities, I would say that he was judicious in his need to terminate men from breathing.

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Dubbed the Dodge City Peace Commission when they arrived to help Luke Short sort out his difficulties with the powers-that-were in Dodge at the time. These were, without a doubt, the toughest hombres ever assembled.

He loved to gamble and seemed to be pretty good at it. He loved to dress well, and the ladies seemed to like him. He was loyal to his friends. He bailed out Doc Holliday from a very serious extradition order back to Arizona by trumping up some charges to keep him in Colorado because Wyatt asked Bat to help. Bat didn’t even like the acerbic Holliday. He came running whenever his younger brother Jim was in trouble. He dropped everything to come back to Dodge City to help his friend Luke Short with some difficulties. He brought some friends by the name of Wyatt Earp, Charlie Bassett, and several other famous gunfighters, as well. Thank goodness they took a photograph while all of them were together. Needless to say, the difficulties his friends encountered were quickly settled once Bat showed up.

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Still dapper as the Gotham Gunfighter.

As he got older, he exchanged his six-shooters for the power of the pen. He started a political newspaper in Dodge City called Vox Populi to write articles to destroy his political opposition. He only needed to release one scorching issue, and all of his party swept to victory at the polls. This made a lasting impression on Bat, and when he moved to New York, he became a full time newspaper reporter. He loved prize fighting and attended every major fight held in North America while he was alive. He wrote about the sport, and when he spotted something fishy, he called the fighters on the carpet.

He died at his desk at work, writing what turned out to be his last column. ”Things had broken pretty well for him in ‘this old dump of a world of ours,’ and he had departed the same way so many of his friends had died; fast, with his boots on, and with his chosen weapon in his hand.”

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Certainly, there is no one more famous in the West than Wyatt Earp. He was a good self-promoter, and newspapers were always hungry for his stories. Doc Holliday, probably riding on the coattails of his friend Wyatt and helped by some wonderful depictions of his character by the actors Val Kilmer and Dennis Quaid, is probably the second most famous personage from the history of the West. Debates would range after that, but for me there is no doubt that Bat Masterson should be at the top of the rest of the list. There was a lot to admire about him. His loyalty, not only to his brothers, but to his friends as well. His honesty. His toughness and grit. His willingness to be more than just a famous gunfighter and embrace the change of a new century. There are statues in Dodge City to Wyatt Earp and Doc Holliday, but I’ve heard rumors that Bat Masterson will be the next statue erected to commemorate those days when there wasn’t a rougher, tougher town in the world than Dodge City.

I want to thank Robert K. DeArment for sifting facts from the Tall Tales. It was a difficult task given that Bat and Wyatt, in some cases, did very little to confirm or deny certain stories. I’m sure they both had many chuckles over the whoppers that circulated about them. The great thing is the truth about their lives is just as compelling. I’ve only touched on a few of the points about Masterson that I found most interesting. This book is filled with a multitude of tense scenes, involving gunplay, women, drinking, boxing, and politics. When you reach the end, you will realize that, even though Bat put himself in many dangerous situation, they were always based on careful calculations. He always shaved the odds in his favor, whether it was in a gunfight or at the card table.

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Naruto 72: Uzumaki Naruto!

Naruto, Vol. 72: Uzumaki Naruto!! (Naruto, #72)Naruto, Vol. 72: Uzumaki Naruto!! by Masashi Kishimoto
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Series and book spoilers ahead. You've just been warned

So I love Naruto. I love the series, I love the character, and I've loved the video games (I played and owned many of them over the years.) I never wrote reviews for the majority of the series and the idea of writing 72 reviews seems daunting. So instead I wrote a review for book one and now I'm writing a review/ode to the series for book 72.

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I've read Naruto from the beginning, the start of Team 7, the fight with Zabuza and Haku, the Chunnin Exams, and the multitude of other amazing moments. I loved it the teams, Konoha, the jutsu I still would've love to see someone call out the wrong jutsu on purpose to surprise the enemy, and the world from the start.

I was there for the rasengans...

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...and yes there were a lot.

I loved the techniques like Sage Mode, Tailed Beast Mode, and the Eight Gates. Sage Mode is still my favorite.

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I watched Naruto grow from a goofy kid with pervy jutsu to the savior of the shinobi world and I loved every bit of it.

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If Kishimoto ever decides to make another full series on the world of Naruto then I'll absolutely read it. So farewell Naruto, it's been a wild ride.

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Tuesday, May 10, 2016

Hex by: Thomas Olde Heuvelt

HEXHEX by Thomas Olde Heuvelt
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

I am not huge on horror novels or novellas, the former because I just am not a fan of the genre and the later due to me reading really fast and not wanting to spend cash on something that I will read in a day. That being said, this year I have read more horror and more novellas than I have ever since probably high school, and I am an old, old, ancient man.


Hex....freaked me the hell out, I am probably off horror for the rest of this year. It is an exceptionally well written book in my opinion, and it is not a in your face horror tale, but it sneaks around you and scares you from multiple angles and makes you cringe and cry like the little bitch you are. (I'm not scared..honest)

If you like horror, you'll eat this up and I have no problem recommending it, me? I am off horror for a while (I'm notttttttt fucking scared!) whimper..


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Nightglass (Pathfinder Tales) by: Liane Mercel

Nightglass (Pathfinder Tales)Nightglass by Liane Merciel
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

I am a weird cat, I am one of these dudes who although I have never played a game of Dungeons & Dragons, Pathfinder, Shadowrun, etc and so on, I totally would sit down and read the guides to the games. The worlds interest me to no end, the background, characters and lore I eat with a spoon even if I never touch the games.

A few weeks ago, I got the pathfinder adventure game app for my tablet, and lo and behold, that got me into the game and I stumbled upon at the local thrift store a series of the Pathfinder tales books, this being the first one I read.

I was impressed, it wasn't just a super tale, but it was solid, kind of dark, fun, well told fantasy. The main character I liked, sort of a good guy molded in a bad place. Even though I could tell where the tale was going for the most part, I did NOT mind the ride.

So, I have read three of my stash so far, and if you ever feel the desire to read some solid fantasy, Nightglass and Nightblade (basically the next book with the main character) is a good time.



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Monday, May 9, 2016

No Hearts Warmed Here

The Stupidest Angel: A Heartwarming Tale of Christmas TerrorThe Stupidest Angel: A Heartwarming Tale of Christmas Terror by Christopher Moore
Reviewed by Jason Koivu
My rating: 2 of 5 stars

Kitchen sink wackiness and a troop of tropes parade through a book not half as hilarious as I hoped.

In a barely fictional California coastal town - that's about two hours from where I live and, to the writer's credit, I feel pretty sure I've been there - the locals of a sleepy tourist town prepare for Christmas. A handful of middle-aged divorcees, lonesome loners, curmudgeons, and crazies bitch and bumble their way through a hair-(and more)-raising couple days. A celestial visitor scares the bejesus out of the local constable, who's got his hands full sorting out a town's worth of mischief and mayhem.

Do all of Christopher Moore's books include angels and a undercurrent of Christianity? I've only read two Moores so far, but I'm two for two on the jesus and god shit. I should probably look for titles without "gospel" and "angel" in them.

This isn't as funny as I'd hoped. In fact, neither of his books lived up to the hype I built up after reading a few reviews. I got a snort or two out of The Stupidest Angel, but generally I find his humor to be dated and easy, as in, he goes for the easy gag. There were a few insightful satirical jabs, but not enough to make me feel it was worth the read.

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Sunday, May 8, 2016

I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream

I Have No Mouth and I Must ScreamI Have No Mouth and I Must Scream by Harlan Ellison
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

In the interest of finally reading something written by Harlan Ellison and also to teach myself to better write short stories, I decided to take this short story collection on.

I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream: The title story of the collection is the tale of a mad AI computer that has been torturing the last five humans alive for untold centuries for its own amusement. This was a pretty chilling tale of a hellish future. I loved the surprising ending.

Big Sam was My Friend: This is the story of a teleporting interplanetary circus performer looking for his lost love. After the first tale, I was surprised to find it a somewhat sweet tale.

Eyes of Dust: In a world where physical beauty is the norm, the two flawed people have a kid together who is doomed from the start. Horrifying and not that far-fetched.

World of the Myth: A ship crashes on a far-off world and the three crew members encounter a hivemind of ant-like creatures. Horror ensues. This one was another chilling tale in which the worst horror comes from within.

Lonely Ache: A lady's man think's there's a monster living in his apartment. This was a dark tale and yet another horror story where the worst horror comes from inside.

Delusion for a Dragon Slayer: A guy gets hit with a wrecking ball and a lot of weird shit I had trouble sorting out happens. Not a fan of this story.

Pretty Maggie Moneyeyes: A down and out gambler finds a slot machine that keeps hitting the jackpot for him. This one reminded me of a Twilight Zone episode, complete with twist ending.

My first Harlan Ellison experience was a good one. Some of the stories seem like products of the time they were written, though, in regard to the way women and minorities were portrayed. Ellison sure knew how to weave a short story. Four out of five stars.

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Friday, May 6, 2016

Dead Ringer



Heidi Belleau & Sam Schooler
Riptide Publishing
4 out of 5 stars
Reviewed by Nancy



Summary



Brandon Ringer has a dead man’s face. His grandfather, silver-screen heartthrob James Ringer, died tragically at twenty-one, and Brandon looks exactly like him. But that’s where the resemblance ends. Brandon is unknown, unemployed, and up to his ears in bills after inheriting his grandparents’ Hollywood mansion. He refuses to sell it—it’s his last connection to his grandmother—so to raise the cash he needs, he joins a celebrity look-alike escort agency.

Percy Charles is chronically ill, isolated, and lonely. His only company is his meddlesome caregiver and his collection of James Ringer memorabilia. When he finds “Jim Ringer” on Hollywood Doubles’ website, he books an appointment, hoping to meet someone who shares his passion for his idol.

Brandon? Not that person.

But despite their differences, they connect, and Percy’s fanboy love for James shows Brandon a side of his grandfather he never knew. Soon they want time together off the clock, but Percy is losing his battle for independence, and Brandon feels trapped in James’s long shadow. Their struggle to love each other is the stuff of classic Hollywood. Too bad Brandon knows how those stories end.




My Review



After reading the excellent Bump in the Night, I was excited to read another collaboration by Heidi Belleau and Sam Schooler.

Rent boy stories are one of my guilty pleasures, but Dead Ringer is really so much more. Even though the ending was predictable, the characters popped right off the page, the plot was captivating, and the characters’ struggles and joys were explored with a great deal of thoughtfulness and sensitivity.

After his grandmother’s death, Brandon Ringer inherits her mansion, along with a basement full of his famous grandfather’s memorabilia that he’s uncomfortable with and wants to sell. Selling all this stuff would help Brandon with his financial troubles and enable him to maintain the huge house, but he has conflicting feelings and an as yet unexplored connection with his grandfather.

The stories he knows about his grandfather, passed along by other family members, are less than positive. Brandon is resentful towards him for the shabby way he treated his grandmother, but is forever stuck with his likeness.

So rather than selling James Ringer’s precious possessions, Brandon decides to make money in a way he’s familiar with. Exploiting his grandfather’s fame and good looks, he joins an escort service called Hollywood Doubles. Brandon learns early on that physical similarities are not enough to convince his clients that he is an authentic double. Thanks to a supportive boss (a Marilyn Monroe double), Brandon eventually learns to embrace his role while retaining his identity and believing in himself. While learning all he can about his grandfather’s life from studying, through his clients, and most importantly, from his newfound relationship with Percy, a young man suffering from juvenile arthritis and dependent on a cruel nurse and his distant parents, as well as being a rabid fan of James Ringer, Brandon discovers buried truths and complexities about his character that show him in a different light.

I felt the portrayal of Percy’s disability was accurate and respectful, as well as the adjustments Brandon and Percy had to make to ensure his comfort while making love. I appreciate that the authors didn’t make Percy a victim despite his health issues and family situation.

Discovering the real James Ringer along with Brandon, and Percy’s struggle for independence were the best parts of the story for me. While I felt the chemistry between both men, their declarations of love felt very premature and the quick resolution of problems and dangling loose ends left me feeling unconvinced. The Hollywood ending was rushed and overly sweet, but didn’t detract too much from my overall enjoyment of this story.

Thursday, May 5, 2016

Indestructible Hulk: Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D.

Indestructible Hulk, Vol. 1: Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D.Indestructible Hulk, Vol. 1: Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. by Mark Waid
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Bruce Banner has experienced a revelation. Banner has finally come to realize that The Hulk is incurable. Because of this revelation Banner has made a decision. Rather than spending endless amounts of time trying to cure himself, he's decided to put his mind to creating scientific breakthroughs. To do this he's made a deal with SHIELD Director Maria Hill to use Hulk as a cannon in exchange for a top notch lab and funding for his scientific research. So The Hulk has become an Agent of SHIELD.
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I have to say I love the concept going on here. Bruce Banner making a deal for both of his personalities to benefit SHIELD is brilliant and honestly it's surprising this idea has never been considered before. A lot of thought went into the story and I'm excited to see where it leads. The story is so cool that The Hulk has made friends in surprising places.
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