Bossypants by Tina Fey
2011
Reviewed by Diane K. M.
My rating: 4 out of 5 stars
Listening to Tina Fey perform this book was much more enjoyable than reading it in print. I first read this back in 2011, and I liked it OK, but after hearing a friend rave about how much fun the audio was, I decided to give the CD a chance.
It was hilarious! Some mornings I was laughing so hard while driving to work that other drivers would stare at me. Tina Fey performs different voices and really sells the stories. One of my favorite chapters was about her father, Don Fey: "He's just a badass. He was a code breaker in Korea. He was a fireman in Philadelphia. He's a skilled watercolorist. He's written two mystery novels. He taught himself Greek so well that when he went to buy tickets to the Acropolis once, the docent told him, 'It's free for Greek citizens.'"
The story that had me guffawing to the point of being noticed by other motorists was about a weekend when Don Fey decided to rent a rug shampooer, but the machine seemed to be defective: "'Defective' was a big word in our house. Many things were labeled 'defective' only to miraculously turn functional once the directions had been read more thoroughly. If I had to name the two words I most associate with my dad between 1970 and 1990, they would be 'defective' and 'inexcusable.' Leaving your baseball glove in a neighbor's car? Inexcusable. Not knowing that 'a lot' was two words? Inexcusable. The seltzer machine that we were going to use to make homemade soda? Defective. The misspelled sign at the Beach Boys Fourth of July concert that read 'From Sea to Shinning Sea'? Inexcusable. Richie Ashburn not being in the baseball hall of fame yet? Bullshit. (Don Fey had a large rubber stamp that said 'bullshit,' which was and is awesome)."
The stories about her dad were part of Tina's larger narrative about how to raise an "achievement-oriented, obedient, drug-free, virgin adult." She lists Calamity, Praise, Local Theater, flat fleet, and Strong Father Figure/Fear Thereof. Tina also had great stories about her youthful adventures in a summer theater program, her experience with the Second City improv group in Chicago, and how she got her start on Saturday Night Live.
Tina is good at making fun of herself and her accidental celebrity status. There is an interesting chapter about the 2008 presidential election, when she famously portrayed Sarah Palin on several SNL sketches. Meanwhile, she was busy working on her show 30 Rock, and there was one particularly hectic week that Oprah Winfrey was going to appear on 30 Rock, which was the same day of Tina's first Palin skit.
"Saturday, September 13, I got up at 6 a.m. and filmed my scenes with Oprah at Silvercup Studios in Queens. She was great. She really does smell nice. And I got to hug her a lot in the scenes ... Between setups I sat with my daughter on my lap and watched Governor Palin on YouTube and tried to improve my accent. Oprah seemed genuinely concerned for me. 'How much rehearsal time are you going to get?' 'Do you have tapes of her to listen to?' 'You're going there right after this?!' (By the way, when Oprah Winfrey is suggesting you may have overextended yourself, you need to examine your fucking life.)"
Another favorite section of the book is when Tina shares her theory that the Rules of Improvisation can change your life. Put simply, the rules are that you should agree with your partner, and then build on it. This is known as YES, AND. "In real life you're not always going to agree with everything everyone says. But the Rule of Agreement reminds you to 'respect what your partner has created' and to at least start from an open-minded place. Start with a YES and see where that takes you... To me, YES, AND means don't be afraid to contribute. It's your responsibility to contribute. Always make sure you're adding something to the discussion."
Speaking of good discussions, I liked how Tina addressed the issue of women in comedy, and how she has dealt with various forms of sexism and ignorance in her career. She talked about how much things have changed since she first started at Second City and SNL, in that more women are getting roles on comedy shows.
One chapter that dragged was about her sitcom 30 Rock. Tina talks about her favorite jokes and episodes, and I think it would be boring for a reader who has never seen the show. The chapter was even boring for me, and I watched several seasons of 30 Rock.
But overall, this was a very enjoyable book to listen to. It is rare for me to recommend listening to a book rather than reading it, but in this case, I think the performance is better than the print.
Tuesday, May 13, 2014
Doctor Who: Nothing O'Clock

My rating: 5 of 5 stars
Now that the Time Lords are dead, the menace of the Kin is unleashed on the universe and has its sights set on Earth. Can the last Time Lord stop the Kin and put them back in their prison? Of course he can! He's the Doctor!
I've got a few Doctor Who stories under my belt and most of them are either on the low end of the good range or mediocre as hell. This one blows them all away.
Neil Gaiman, perhaps you've heard of him, has written a couple Doctor Who episodes over the years and is a lifelong fan. He's also written a few other things. In Nothing O'Clock, he crafts a story that's not only a very good Doctor Who short, it's a good story period.
The Kin is a creepy menace, born out of Gaiman's childhood of watching Doctor Who while hiding behind the couch. An animal mask-wearing time-traveling creature that's buying earth and rendering humanity extinct? Pretty creepy, especially if you ask him what time it is.
The Doctor and Amy Pond are true to form. It's not very often I find quotable lines in Doctor Who stories but I loved this exchange between the Doctor and Amy:
"Have you always been like this?"
"Like what?"
"A madman with a time machine."
"No. It took me ages to get the time machine."
Neil Gaiman goes a long way toward redeeming the authors of lackluster Doctor Who stories before him. Five out of five timey-wimey stars.
View all my reviews
Doctor Who: Devil in the Smoke

My rating: 4 of 5 stars
When two boys find a body inside their snowman, unwittingly uncovering a fiendish plot, they run for their lives. One of them, Harry, has the fortune to encounter Madame Vastra, Jenny Flint, and Strax, the Paternoster Gang. Can The Great Detective and her cohorts uncover the mystery of how the woman ended up inside the snowman and who killed her?
This short story features three of my favorite Doctor Who supporting cast members, Madame Vastra, Jenny, and Strax, in an adventure in Victorian London. They are well-written and true to their TV counterparts. Strax is just as unintentionally hilarious as he is on television.
The story proves to be much more complicated than originally suspected but the Great Detective is up to the challenge. More than once, I wished the powers that be would devote a Doctor Who special solely to the Paternoster Gang.
The only fault I can find with Devil in the Smoke is that it was very short. I'd gladly fork over some quid for a full length adventure featuring Madame Vastra and company.
Sontar-Ha! Four out of five stars.
View all my reviews
Monday, May 12, 2014
Raylan Givens Is on the Job
Reviewed by James L. Thane
Three out of five stars
I've long been a huge fan of the books of Elmore Leonard, and I've also really enjoyed the television series, "Justified," which is based on Leonard's excellent short story, "Fire in the Hole." Given that, I was really anxious to finally have the chance to pull Raylan off my giant stack of Books-to-Read and have at it. I'm sorry to say, though, that the book did not live up to my (perhaps exaggerated) expectations of it.
Reading the book, it felt to me like Leonard might have decided to sit down over a long weekend and sketch out a few plot ideas that the writers could then use in the TV show or, less charitably, that he might have just decided to whip out a quick book and capitalize on the popularity of the show.
While I've not read a lot of his westerns, I've read every one of Leonard's crime novels and, strange at it might seem to say, this book did not feel to me like a real Elmore Leonard novel. Most of the characters who populate the book are drawn from the television show, but they seem thin, without the usual depth of Leonard's characters. Instead of seeming genuinely quirky, the way so many of Leonard's great characters do, these characters often feel like they're straining for quirky but falling short of liftoff. And perhaps most disappointing of all, the dialogue, which has always been one of the great entertaining strengths of an EL novel, here seems labored and not nearly as sharp as usual.
The book itself involves several subplots, all taking place in Kentucky and revolving around U.S. Marshal Raylan Givens. In one, two dope-dealing Crowe brothers step up their game and hook up with a transplant nurse to steal human kidneys and sell them off. Another involves the efforts of a murderous female mining executive to clear the path for the destruction of a mountain allegedly full of coal, in spite of the environmental and human consequences of the action. In yet another, Raylan crosses paths with an attractive young college student who is attempting to make her fortune by playing high stakes poker.
Inevitably all of the women are bright and sexy and anxious to get it on with Raylan. Raylan, in turn, is quick on the draw and the body count in the book is fairly high. Upon completing the book, Leonard told the people involved with the TV show to strip out of it anything that they might like to use, and a couple of these plot lines did ultimately turn up in the show.
All of this is not to say that this is a bad book; in fact, it's a perfectly pleasant way to while away an evening, and if anyone else's name had been on the cover, one might put it down thinking it was a pretty damn good read. But when the name on the cover is Elmore Leonard, his long-time readers might have legitimately expected something a bit better. Readers who have not yet discovered Leonard's work might be better advised to begin with some of his earlier books like Get Shorty, or even Pronto, the book that first introduced Marshall Raylan Givens.
Jeeves & Wooster With A James Bond Twist

Reviewed by Jason Koivu
My rating: 4 of 5 stars
Not only was Kyril Bonfiglioli a fan of PG Wodehouse, he flat out references Wodehouse through out Don't Point That Thing At Me. It's a level of sycophancy that I wasn't 100% comfortable with. But I guess if you're going to ape a writer's style, why not go full monty and let it all hang out? I mean, Bonfiglioli's writing style is sooo similar to Wodehouse's that it wasn't going to take the British public long to sniff it out, so hell, drop in a mention of Jeeves and Wooster into the text right off the bat and get it over with.
That said, Bonfiglioli does not quite have Wodehouse's wit and his characters are not quite as charmingly lovable as Wodehouse's. The first part is a tough one for anyone, save the odd Oscar Wildes and Mark Twains of the world. The second part is unavoidable considering Bonfiglioli is writing about characters involved in grand theft and murder. He's taken Wodehouse's stock plot - Wooster being forced into petty crime - and gone big and mean with it. Consequently it becomes hard to love or even side with his main characters. They do wrong and when wrong is done to them the best I could muster was an, "oh well mate, you had it coming" kind of sympathy. However, like James Bond - who kills a chap or two before he's even had his kippers - there is a certain amount of acceptance for all the wrong doing. This is entertainment. This is comedy. Since these aren't real people getting bumped off we can remain lighthearted and aloof, and so the characters we're supposed to be rooting for aren't completely tarnished.
Humor, man, it's so violent!
Rating: 3.5 stars
Adventure During The French Revolution

Reviewed by Jason Koivu
My rating: 3 of 5 stars
The bloody guillotine...The slaughter of fatted nobles...The bloodlust massacre of innocents. G.A. Henty gives us the sour taste of these images from the French Revolution in his adventure story, In the Reign of Terror.
The tale follows Harry Sandwith, an English youth on the cusp of adulthood, as he tries to find a place in life for himself in France in the late 18th century. While there, the rumors of populous unrest explodes into the most unimaginable of horrors. Henty places his hero in the very center of history, even rubbing elbows with Revolutionary icons such as Robespierre. Where the politics of the times are concerned, the novel takes a decidedly antagonistic view of the Revolution. The plight of the people is not ignored, however, the acts of violence against the noble class are to be abhorred, if the novel's tone is the measuring stick to go by.
Adventure novels rely upon action to draw in the readers. Here the action comes in spurts and leaves much to be desired. Modern readers, accustomed to the pulse-racing nonstop action of today's highly-polished books and movies, may be frustrated by Henty's style. Too many static scenes drag on, too many words are wasted in describing plans instead of just enacting them, and too many insignificant actions are pondered upon. Once I even scared myself into thinking I'd accidentally started reading a James Fenimore Cooper!
The dialogue has issues too. A good deal of almost absurdly detailed exposition is delivered via dialogue, stilting it unnaturally. Emotional and psychological character transformations come at the flip of a switch: I see you are right and I am wrong. I will adjust my values. There, I have adjusted my values.
But before I finish, I don't want you to walk away from this review thinking poorly of this book. No, I actually enjoyed it for the most part, and if you can forgive the writing style, this less than perfect novel can be a fun read.
Sunday, May 11, 2014
Gulp.
Gulp. Adventures on the Alimentary Canal
Mary Roach
W.W. Norton & Company 2013
Reviewed by carol
Recommended for fans of digesting and laughing
★ ★ ★ for humor, ★ ★ 1/2 for information
While reading, I was reminded of long-ago biology studies, and the simplest members of Animalia that are little more than a gastric tube composed of cells. It’s astonishing, really, those primitive forms of waterborne life, and it emphasizes an interesting thing about animal anatomy, that we aren’t a solid, discrete, bounded organism: the environment moves through us as much as it moves around us. We like to think of “inside” and “outside” our bodies when in fact, it’s much more complicated. Those familiar with the gastrointestinal system (“the GI tract” in medical slang) understand that as a system rather continuous with the “outside,” it is one of the least sterile parts of our anatomy (the case could probably be made for skin as well). Perhaps that is why there are so many taboos surrounding what we eat, how we eat, vomiting, farting, defecation and such–all those different ways we process and exchange with our environment. Gulp. Adventures on the Alimentary Canal explores the GI tract and its unmentionables in an engaging way that is somewhat limited by basic scholarship.
One of her early paragraphs best explains her topic:
“Yes, men and women eat meals. But they also ingest nutrients. They grind and sculpt them into a moistened bolus that is delivered, via a stadium wave of sequential contractions, into a self-kneading sack of hydrochloric acid and then dumped into a tubular leach field, where is is converted into the most powerful taboo in human history. Lunch is an opening act.“
That both captures the strength and weakness of her writing; while good general information is buried in her text, it is largely hidden by metaphor and humor.
Divided into 17 chapters, the story loosely follows the physiological structure of the gastrointestinal tract, beginning with the sensations of smell and taste, then examining a variety of topics including ‘organ meats,’ chewing, stomach acid, saliva, swallowing, being eaten alive, overfilling stomachs, intestinal gases and flamability, colonic direction and stool. It didn’t take me very long to understand that this was the Trivial Pursuit version of the “adventures on the alimentary canal,” not the informative, organized tour designed to give insight in an entertaining way. As a nurse, I was rather hoping for a tour that taught in an engaging, non-professional style, not this collection of anecdotes, historical studies and titillating tidbits of taboos.
Content is largely based on a wide variety of scientific studies, both historical and current, and covering both human and animal. For those that may have little background in the topic, this could likely prove confusing. For example, the chapter on chewing jumps in time from 1947 to 1817, to 1979 to 1825. The continuity jumps challenge the lay understanding of historical developments and lack the feeling of developing a professional discipline. Also distracting were strange asides about the scientists/ food professionals themselves. Perhaps in an effort to humanize the science for the average reader, she also describes appearance and personality of a number of the people she interviews. (Personally, I found this the most distracting and least informative. If I want to read People, I would. But I don’t.) The nose section (“Nose Job”), for instance, is largely about a professional sensory analyst named Langstaff and Roach’s own experience trying out as an olive oil taster. The chapter on taste (“I’ll Have the Putrescine”) is primarily about engineering pet foods that appeal to dog, cat and owner, and talks about various personalities at the organizations she interviews.
Structurally, I found it was less coherently written than Packing for Mars. There’s copious footnotes, but not for intellectual background as much as parenthetical anecdotes or commentary. As the text content was just as engaging and digressive, I found myself wondering why she bothered with the footnotes? Amusement? Trendiness? They seem to be a mix of further text detail or opportunities for her to hilariously comment on her own writing. I won’t deny they were often funny; I laughed out loud at her exploration of whether a human could survive inside a whale’s stomach:
“While a seaman might survive the suction and swallow, his arrival in a sperm whale’s stomach would seem to present a new set of problems (1).
(1)I challenge you to find a more innocuous sentence containing the words sperm, suction, swallow and any homophone of seaman. And then call me up on the homophone and read it to me.“
Content concerns aside, Roach has a strong storytelling gift. Her voice is engaging and humorous, and is generally accessible. I found that she touched on a number of tantalizing issues in the field, such as our preference for sweets (mentioned in the taste tests for dogs), dyspepsia (hidden in a story about professional eaters and stomach size) and the growing interesting in how gut bacteria contributes to overall health (couched in a story about fecal transplants). Perhaps that is where some of my disappointment comes from, that she can be aware of some fascinating, topical issues in the GI field with enormous implications for people’s health, but then instead chooses to focus on the shock-studies of boa constrictor stomachs and dissolving live foods. Recommended for those in the mood for giggles and Science-Lite.
cross-posted at http://clsiewert.wordpress.com/2014/04/20/gulp-by-mary-roach-adventurous-in-a-bumper-car-kind-of-way/
Mary Roach
W.W. Norton & Company 2013
Reviewed by carol
Recommended for fans of digesting and laughing
★ ★ ★ for humor, ★ ★ 1/2 for information
While reading, I was reminded of long-ago biology studies, and the simplest members of Animalia that are little more than a gastric tube composed of cells. It’s astonishing, really, those primitive forms of waterborne life, and it emphasizes an interesting thing about animal anatomy, that we aren’t a solid, discrete, bounded organism: the environment moves through us as much as it moves around us. We like to think of “inside” and “outside” our bodies when in fact, it’s much more complicated. Those familiar with the gastrointestinal system (“the GI tract” in medical slang) understand that as a system rather continuous with the “outside,” it is one of the least sterile parts of our anatomy (the case could probably be made for skin as well). Perhaps that is why there are so many taboos surrounding what we eat, how we eat, vomiting, farting, defecation and such–all those different ways we process and exchange with our environment. Gulp. Adventures on the Alimentary Canal explores the GI tract and its unmentionables in an engaging way that is somewhat limited by basic scholarship.
One of her early paragraphs best explains her topic:
“Yes, men and women eat meals. But they also ingest nutrients. They grind and sculpt them into a moistened bolus that is delivered, via a stadium wave of sequential contractions, into a self-kneading sack of hydrochloric acid and then dumped into a tubular leach field, where is is converted into the most powerful taboo in human history. Lunch is an opening act.“
That both captures the strength and weakness of her writing; while good general information is buried in her text, it is largely hidden by metaphor and humor.
Divided into 17 chapters, the story loosely follows the physiological structure of the gastrointestinal tract, beginning with the sensations of smell and taste, then examining a variety of topics including ‘organ meats,’ chewing, stomach acid, saliva, swallowing, being eaten alive, overfilling stomachs, intestinal gases and flamability, colonic direction and stool. It didn’t take me very long to understand that this was the Trivial Pursuit version of the “adventures on the alimentary canal,” not the informative, organized tour designed to give insight in an entertaining way. As a nurse, I was rather hoping for a tour that taught in an engaging, non-professional style, not this collection of anecdotes, historical studies and titillating tidbits of taboos.
Content is largely based on a wide variety of scientific studies, both historical and current, and covering both human and animal. For those that may have little background in the topic, this could likely prove confusing. For example, the chapter on chewing jumps in time from 1947 to 1817, to 1979 to 1825. The continuity jumps challenge the lay understanding of historical developments and lack the feeling of developing a professional discipline. Also distracting were strange asides about the scientists/ food professionals themselves. Perhaps in an effort to humanize the science for the average reader, she also describes appearance and personality of a number of the people she interviews. (Personally, I found this the most distracting and least informative. If I want to read People, I would. But I don’t.) The nose section (“Nose Job”), for instance, is largely about a professional sensory analyst named Langstaff and Roach’s own experience trying out as an olive oil taster. The chapter on taste (“I’ll Have the Putrescine”) is primarily about engineering pet foods that appeal to dog, cat and owner, and talks about various personalities at the organizations she interviews.
Structurally, I found it was less coherently written than Packing for Mars. There’s copious footnotes, but not for intellectual background as much as parenthetical anecdotes or commentary. As the text content was just as engaging and digressive, I found myself wondering why she bothered with the footnotes? Amusement? Trendiness? They seem to be a mix of further text detail or opportunities for her to hilariously comment on her own writing. I won’t deny they were often funny; I laughed out loud at her exploration of whether a human could survive inside a whale’s stomach:
“While a seaman might survive the suction and swallow, his arrival in a sperm whale’s stomach would seem to present a new set of problems (1).
(1)I challenge you to find a more innocuous sentence containing the words sperm, suction, swallow and any homophone of seaman. And then call me up on the homophone and read it to me.“
Content concerns aside, Roach has a strong storytelling gift. Her voice is engaging and humorous, and is generally accessible. I found that she touched on a number of tantalizing issues in the field, such as our preference for sweets (mentioned in the taste tests for dogs), dyspepsia (hidden in a story about professional eaters and stomach size) and the growing interesting in how gut bacteria contributes to overall health (couched in a story about fecal transplants). Perhaps that is where some of my disappointment comes from, that she can be aware of some fascinating, topical issues in the GI field with enormous implications for people’s health, but then instead chooses to focus on the shock-studies of boa constrictor stomachs and dissolving live foods. Recommended for those in the mood for giggles and Science-Lite.
cross-posted at http://clsiewert.wordpress.com/2014/04/20/gulp-by-mary-roach-adventurous-in-a-bumper-car-kind-of-way/
Friday, May 9, 2014
Gone Baby Gone
Dennis Lehane
William Morrow & Co.
Reviewed by Nancy
5 out of 5 stars
Summary
Boston private detectives Patrick Kenzie and Angela Gennaro are hired to find four-year-old Amanda McCready, abducted from her bed on a warm, Indian summer night. They meet her stoned-out, strangely apathetic mother, her loving aunt and uncle, the mother's dangerous drug-addled friends, and two cops who've found so many abused or dead children they may be too far over the edge to come back. Despite enormous public attention, rabid news coverage, and dogged police work, the investigation repeatedly hits a brick wall. Then a second child disappears....As the two detectives intensify their search, they encounter a media more interested in sensationalizing the abductions than solving them, a midnight ransom drop that explodes into a firefight, a city seething with secrets and rage, and a faceless power determined to keep the children lost forever.
My Review
I knew this was going to be a very dark story. After reading the very disturbing Darkness, Take My Hand, about a vicious and sadistic serial killer who knew no limits when it came to human depravity, I didn’t imagine it could get much worse. I was wrong.
Though Patrick and Angie are tired of the violence and inhumanity that plagued their earlier cases, they agree to accept this latest case of a four-year-old girl who was abducted from her bed. Amanda’s mom, Helene, who is far from the perfect parent, uses drugs, drinks, and is addicted to TV. Amanda has a loving aunt and uncle who desperately want her to be found.
Patrick and Angie realize that a child’s disappearance must be solved quickly, or it will never be. With the help of two detectives in the Boston Police Department who believe in their own brand of justice, the denizens of their rough Dorchester neighborhood, and of course, Bubba, Patrick and Angie plunge headlong into one of their most difficult, complex, and emotional cases, confronting bad parenting, child abuse, pedophilia, and murder. They learn about themselves and each other, and discover that life and justice are not always black and white.
I had a difficult time putting the book down and enjoyed the growth of Angie and Patrick’s relationship, their feelings about children, and the questionable characters with good intentions. The story left me shaken and numb and thinking about it for days.
It was a great movie too!
William Morrow & Co.
Reviewed by Nancy
5 out of 5 stars
Summary
Boston private detectives Patrick Kenzie and Angela Gennaro are hired to find four-year-old Amanda McCready, abducted from her bed on a warm, Indian summer night. They meet her stoned-out, strangely apathetic mother, her loving aunt and uncle, the mother's dangerous drug-addled friends, and two cops who've found so many abused or dead children they may be too far over the edge to come back. Despite enormous public attention, rabid news coverage, and dogged police work, the investigation repeatedly hits a brick wall. Then a second child disappears....As the two detectives intensify their search, they encounter a media more interested in sensationalizing the abductions than solving them, a midnight ransom drop that explodes into a firefight, a city seething with secrets and rage, and a faceless power determined to keep the children lost forever.
My Review
I knew this was going to be a very dark story. After reading the very disturbing Darkness, Take My Hand, about a vicious and sadistic serial killer who knew no limits when it came to human depravity, I didn’t imagine it could get much worse. I was wrong.
Though Patrick and Angie are tired of the violence and inhumanity that plagued their earlier cases, they agree to accept this latest case of a four-year-old girl who was abducted from her bed. Amanda’s mom, Helene, who is far from the perfect parent, uses drugs, drinks, and is addicted to TV. Amanda has a loving aunt and uncle who desperately want her to be found.
Patrick and Angie realize that a child’s disappearance must be solved quickly, or it will never be. With the help of two detectives in the Boston Police Department who believe in their own brand of justice, the denizens of their rough Dorchester neighborhood, and of course, Bubba, Patrick and Angie plunge headlong into one of their most difficult, complex, and emotional cases, confronting bad parenting, child abuse, pedophilia, and murder. They learn about themselves and each other, and discover that life and justice are not always black and white.
I had a difficult time putting the book down and enjoyed the growth of Angie and Patrick’s relationship, their feelings about children, and the questionable characters with good intentions. The story left me shaken and numb and thinking about it for days.
It was a great movie too!
Also posted at Goodreads
Wednesday, May 7, 2014
The Secret life: The Lies and Scandals of President Grover Cleveland by Charles Lachman

My rating: 4 of 5 stars
Sensible and responsible women do not want to vote. The relative positions to be assumed by man and woman in the working out of our civilization were assigned long ago by a higher intelligence than ours.
Grover Cleveland

President Grover Cleveland
Grover Cleveland was a Democrat, not of the Democratic Party that we know today. The two parties have actually switched policy orientation more than once. Franklin D.Roosevelt ushered in a new age of Democrats which was the beginning of the erosion of support from the Southern states. Traditionally the South had always been Democrats, but with Lyndon B. Johnson’s civil rights movement decision in the 1960s the South swung to the Republicans. With the election of Ronald “Raygun” Reagan the South firmed up as a reliable voting bloc for the GOP. When Cleveland was running for office in 1884 the Republicans had ruled the White House since 1868 including the hinky election of 1876 when Rutherford B. Hayes(R) lost the popular vote by 250,000 votes to Samuel J. Tilden(D), but after some double-dealing in the electoral college Hayes was declared the winner.

The Splintering of the Democratic Party or in this case eating it's own tail
In 1884 Cleveland’s chances to win the presidency was dim indeed, first of all he was a bachelor; second he was a known to frequent beer taverns where he not only drank a lot of beer, but consumed large gluttonous meals; third he was a draft dodger; and fourth he had an illegitimate child through an act of rape. It sounds like a recipe for a disastrous campaign or ripped from the headlines of one of our more recent elections. Cleveland had spent almost all of his adult life in Buffalo, NY. He’d taken an apprenticeship with a lawyer, passed the bar, and after years of hoisting beer steins with the right people and becoming part of “the good old boys club”. He found himself elected sheriff. Buffalo was a wide open town and for a sheriff with the right connections there was money to be made.
”Buffalo, it was said, had more saloons and taverns per head than any other city in the world. It seemed there was a bar on every corner--more than six hundred saloons for a population of less than 150,000. Sailors, canal hands, and roustabouts working the city’s ports roamed the tenderloin district looking for a good time. Brothels operated in the open seven days a week. Buffalo was a ‘sink of iniquity’ with more ‘social eyesores’ than any other city of its size in America.”
What is really stunning about the city of Buffalo is by 1901 they are the 9th largest city in the nation (as of 2011 they have fallen to 71st) and are awarded the honor of being the host city of the World’s Fair which also tragically became the location for the assassination of President William McKinley.
Cleveland left the sheriff’s office a wealthy man. The pay of the office was legitimately raised through fines and there were plenty of people to penalize. In the time he was a private citizen again, and before he became Mayor of Buffalo was when he met Maria Halpin. She was a shop girl in an upscale department store, valued by the establishment for her elegance, and her ability to speak French. She was a widow with two children trying to keep herself above the poverty line. She was said to be strikingly beautiful. Cleveland had met her a few times in the shop. One afternoon he ran into her on the street, which I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that it wasn’t a meeting of chance, but carefully planned. Maria was on her way to a friend’s house for a party, but Cleveland insisted that she allow him to buy her dinner. She reluctantly agreed. After dinner he walked her home and she allowed him to come up to her apartment, feeling safe because her young son was in the next room; and after all, this was an esteemed gentleman, a respected man of the community. He raped her on her couch. Now the problem with rape in the 1870s was the laws were written by men. Women had no voice in the definition of laws. There was certainly a bias against women in how the laws are written and also a real lack of empathy for rape victims. The general assumption being that the rape wouldn't have happened if the woman had simply been more careful. It was nearly impossible for a woman to prove rape.
”The presumption in the 19th century was that a woman who truly wanted to preserve her honor could repel any rape, unless it was a gang rape. She could use her hands or draw back her legs and physically thwart the insertion of a man’s penis into her body. If the act of sex was consummated during rape, it was because the woman ‘did not earnestly resist it.’
Charles Lachman provides several incidents of rape that were brought before the courts and overturned usually for the reason that the woman simply did not “resist” enough. ”According to the customs of the time, it was fine for a man with normal biological urges to use a ‘certain degree of violence’ when engaging in sex. As the law saw it, even if the woman put up a struggle, that was foreplay.” So basically the law was based on very crude assumptions, one being the woman should not have placed herself in such circumstances to start with. Two she shouldn’t have led the man on in the first place. Three she should have forced her assailant to beat her senseless before allowing him access to her body.

Maria Halpin
If Maria Halpin contemplated bringing charges against Cleveland she dismissed them very quickly. In fact, she hoped to get on with her life until five weeks later when it became apparent that she was pregnant. I’m sure she had to swallow some bile to approach Cleveland with the problem. Thinking about his burgeoning career he assured her he would do the right thing and marry her. Now Cleveland had an odd affectation, in his apartment he had pictures of children placed all over his rooms. Despite this somewhat unnatural interest, I may be reading more into this than I should but Lachman planted the seed without expressing his own thoughts on the oddness of the displaying of such pictures, but it does make it equally weird how little interest Cleveland expressed in his own offspring. He was a confirmed bachelor and had mentioned several times that he had no intention to marry, but when his best friend Oscar Folsom had a daughter named Frances his answer changed. ”I’m only waiting for my wife to grow up, “ he told his sister. At the time it seemed an off-the-cuff dodge, which, though a little creepy, was not to be taken seriously.”

Francis Folsom Cleveland, the darling of the nation. She was so popular that her image was even used on campaign posters.
It turns out that it was creepy statement indeed because after he is elected President of the United States he married Frances Folsom. She was 27 years younger than Cleveland and became the youngest First Lady at the age of 21. She replaced Cleveland’s problematic sister Rose. Cleveland regretted appointing his sister almost immediately. Rose was his smart sister, a woman who conjugated Greek verbs when she became nervous. She certainly would not agree with her brother's quote that I used to start this review. Well educated, who after leaving the White House retired back to her books and magazines. She published a novel called The Long Run that received solid reviews and also published a collection of essays called George Eliot's Poetry and Other Studies. She fell in love with a widow named Evangeline Marrs Simpson. Well aware of the ramifications of her sexual preference on her brother’s third bid for the presidency she cooled down her contact with Eve until after he won reelection.

First Lady Rose Cleveland
At age seventy-two she was living in Tuscany with Eve when the influenza epidemic of 1918 broke out. When the people in her village started “dying like sheep” she organized efforts. Separating children from households that were infected and cabling home for help from all her old friends in America. She succumbed to fever as a result of her efforts and was buried in a cemetery on the banks of the Lima River. All I have to say is what a woman.

Ma, Ma, where's my Pa?
The Maria Halpin scandal continued to haunt Cleveland throughout his political life. When he made a run for governor Maria reappeared out of the mist to make trouble for him. At one point with the help of his friends Maria is abducted and incarcerating into a lunacy institution long enough for Oscar Folsom Cleveland, named such after his best friend at Grover’s insistence, can be placed with another family. As a countermeasure and also an attempt to throw a better light on this political liability he insisted that Maria had passed herself around to a group of his friends and because he was the only bachelor he had assumed responsibility for the child. Maria’s reputation is shattered by the Democratic newspaper machine and though later she achieves some distance from her past by changing her name through marriage she is never reunited with Oscar.
Charles Lachman discovered the identity of Oscar Folsom Cleveland which I will not reveal in case there are readers out there that want to read this book and follow in the footsteps of Lachman as he peers through the fog of history, separating the lies from what can be proven. I struggled early on to adjust to Lachman’s workmanlike prose. You won’t find yourself carried away by beautifully constructed sentences, but you will occasionally find yourself with your hand to your mouth covering a gasp of indignation.
Looking at this situation through the long lense of history if Cleveland had simply continued to take care of Maria Halpin and had treated her with respect he certainly would have mitigated the liability to his political career. As it all turned out he did not suffer the consequences of his actions. Interesting to know that his home state of New York elected him the first time, spurned him the second time, and then embraced him the third time, making him the only president to serve his terms nonconsecutive. A bit of trivia that somehow fits a man that on close analysis was a man of his time; and yet, a man with a darkness about him that made him seem such an unlikely man to reach the pinnacles of power.
I also recently reviewed the Scott Miller book about the McKinley assassination McKinley Review
View all my reviews
Tuesday, May 6, 2014
A Different Kind of History
A People's History of the United States by Howard Zinn
first published in 1980; updated in 2005
Reviewed by Diane K. M.
My rating: 5 stars
I loved this so much that I'm going to resort to hyperbole: If you read only one book about American history, let it be this one.
This is not a typical history book. Instead of telling the stories of the victors, Howard Zinn focused on those who have been oppressed in the United States. The minorities. The protesters. The downtrodden.
In the preface to the updated edition about the Twentieth Century, Zinn wrote: "It is obvious in the very first pages of the larger People's History, when I tell about Columbus and emphasize not his navigational skill and fortitude in making his way to the Western Hemisphere, but his cruel treatment of the Indians he found here, torturing them, exterminating them in his greed for gold, his desperation to bring riches to his patrons back in Spain. In other words, my focus is not on the achievements of the heroes of traditional history, but on all those people who were the victims of those achievements, who suffered silently or fought back magnificently."
I listened to this on audio CD (read by the talented Matt Damon), and the edition focused on the events of the Twentieth Century, including the Vietnam War, the women's movement, the Civil Rights Era, the Clinton presidency and the infamous Bush v. Gore election of 2000. My favorite sections were about the 60s: civil rights, war protests, and the rise of feminism. The complete edition of People's History is more than 700 pages and starts back in 1492 (when "Columbus sailed the ocean blue...").
I first read Zinn's book back in the 90s, but I didn't fully appreciate it. Having more life experience and seeing how much power the rich and powerful really have, I got so much more out of this book this time. I've even referenced it in the sociology class I teach, because so many elements are still relevant.
In his afterword, Zinn wrote: "I wanted, in writing this book, to awaken a greater consciousness of class conflict, racial injustice, sexual inequality, and national arrogance." Sir, you have succeeded.
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